A Southerner Moves Up North
 AKA-  Life In Michigan

  January 10
  5:00 PM.  It's starting to snow.  The first of the
  season and the first one we've seen in years.  The
  wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the
  picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down,
  clinging to the trees and covering the ground.
  It was beautiful.
 
  January 11
  We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow
  covering the landscape.  What a fantastic sight.  Every
  tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle.
  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it.
  I did both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later, a city
  snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our
  driveway with compacted snow from the street.  The driver
  smiled and waved.  I waved back and shoveled it again.
 
  January 12
  It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the
  temperature has dropped to about 11 degrees.  Several
  limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight
  of the snow.  I shoveled our driveway again.  Shortly
  afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again.
  Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.
 
  January 13
  Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which
  soon became ice when the temperature dropped again.  Bought
  snow tires for both cars.  Fell on my ass in the driveway.
  $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken.  More snow
  and ice expected.
 
  January 14
  Still cold.  Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order
  to get to work.  Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a con-
  siderable amount of damage to the right quarter panel.  Had
  Another 8 inches of the white shit last night.  Both vehicles
  covered in salt and crud.  More shoveling in store for me today.
  That damned snowplow came by twice today.
 
 January 15
  2 degrees outside.  More fuckin' snow.  Not a tree or shrub
  on our property that hasn't been damaged.  Power was off most
  of the night.  Tried to keep from freezing to death with
  candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly
  burned the house down.  I managed to put the flames out, but
  suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes
  and eyebrows.  Car slid on the ice on the way to the emergency
  room and was totaled.
 
  January 16
  Goddamned mother fuckin' white shit keeps comin down!  Have to
  put on all the clothes we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox.
  If I ever catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow
  I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart.  I think he
  hides around the corner and waits to plow shut our driveway again!
  Power still off.  Toilet frozen and part of the roof has started
  to cave in.
 
  January 17
  Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin' snow and fuckin'
  sleet and god knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell
  last night.  I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an
  ice axe, but he got away.  Wife left me.  Car won't start.
  I think I'm going snowblind.  I can't move my toes.  Haven't
  seen the sun in weeks.  More snow predicted.  Wind chill -22
  fucking degrees.  I'm moving back to Georgia!!!!!